Sex after menopause is a concern for many women who are getting older. The word “menopause” can conjure up images of a celibate life forevermore (even if you don’t want to pursue a celibate life), but that doesn’t have to be true. It is true that menopause can affect sex drive negatively, but it doesn’t have to, necessarily. Let’s take a look at menopause and how to manage it so you can still have a satisfying sex life even after menopause.
When menopause happens, a woman’s estrogen levels naturally drop, which can lead to alterations in sex drive and in the ability itself to have sex. For example, if you are in menopause, you might notice that you aren’t as interested in sex or that you are less sensitive to sexual cues that you would normally have found stimulating.
This can lead to a decrease in interest, as well, just like men who have lower testosterone levels.
In addition, when estrogen drops, vaginal blood supply can also drop, which can cause a decrease in vaginal lubrication. This can make intercourse painful and difficult, because the vagina can be too dry to have intercourse comfortably.
And, it doesn’t help if the man is unable to understand this situation.
Fortunately, if you are one of the women who has experienced a drop in libido or other symptoms of menopause, like vaginal dryness, there are things that can help.
Using water-soluble lubricants like K-Y Jelly or Astroglide can treat simple vaginal dryness. (Make sure you don’t use lubricants that aren’t water-soluble, like petroleum jelly, because they can make latex condoms weaker and can encourage unfriendly bacterial growth, which can result in infection.)
Change your attitude towards sex
Most women in menopause were brought up with an unhealthy attitude towards sex. The very thought of sex beyond 50 raises eyebrows. Enjoying a healthy sexual relationship beyond the age of 50, takes more than a physical desire. One has to undo all the taboos placed by traditional thinking and realize that sex could be a natural channel for expression.
Social Barriers
People in the age group of 50 and beyond, have been actually brought up in an orthodox setting. Sex was considered a taboo in their young age. It was never talked about. Now that sex is liberally talked about in this modern age, they are considered to be too old for it.
In most parts of the world, sex is connected to marital duties. In some parts of the world sex is limited to procreation. In other parts of the world sex after a particular age, especially when your children grow up, is considered inappropriate.
Your Mind
These so called preset norms may hinder the natural expression of joy that is associated with the sexual experience. When your natural instincts begin to conflict with these social parameters, it results in a low self esteem. Your self esteem has a lot to do with the way you feel about sex after 50.
So let’s discuss about self esteem. Your self esteem helps you to be in touch with yourself. Your quest for love helps you to do away with stagnation, and helps you to evolve. So, in order to evolve, you must be in touch with yourself. The problem arises when you live outside-in and not inside-out. This means that the situations on your outside influence your inside. Moreover, traditional teachings have made you think this way.
For example: Your father or mother decides whether you are a good child or not. Your teacher’s decide whether you are a good student or not. And that’s perfectly OK! Your parents and teachers are supposed to guide you.
But the problem arises when you always seek the approval of others, and that dictates your feelings about yourself. You stay out of the limelight because you have stopped trusting yourself. Your joys depend on what others say about you. You have wrongly trained yourself to think outward-in!
You become dependent on outside validation to feel good about yourself. If you don’t seek this validation, there may even be a sense of inadequacy or guilt.
Your Body
Another thing that plays a very important role in enjoying sex at 50 is your physical condition. Although our sexual wires are in place, our bodies seem to slow down. Most women let childbirth affect their sexuality. Moreover the reduction in hormones leads to a lack of sex drive. But let’s not make generalizations.
Many women discover their sexuality from 40 years to 60 years of age. They have more time for themselves and are more relaxed to explore their sexuality.
Men on the other hand can have great sex drives even at the age of 60, although they might need some extra help to enhance their sexual potential.
The problem could be a lack of sex drive on the part of their partners. But that is changing. Others suffer from reduced sex drive due to medical conditions. At 50 you obviously are not a beginner. You know what works for you and what doesn’t. Even though you are well aware of which button triggers which response, your mental inhibitions rob you of feeling the physical pleasures.
You still remember the days of your youth, and the great sexual tendencies you had at that time. You are the same person and may very well be able to enjoy sex now. Yes, things may be slower but it definitely will be good. Allow yourself to relax mentally and physically. Remember that your nerves are still in place and working. Those nerves can still carry impulses as they explode in your brain.
Kinky sex after menopause
Good sex need not be kinky. But being a little naughty could do you so good. It’s just an opportunity to bond with your partner. The juices may not be flowing as they were in your thirties, but sex could be as good as ever. Nowadays many are resorting to medications that can enhance their sex drive. Once you get into the habit of having kinky sex, your body may respond and make you feel younger.
Many couples are into the oft-maligned “vanilla” sex, referring to sex that is fairly straight up and devoid of any kinky or atypical aspects. But many sex advisors and specialists think that this is due not to a disinterest in kinkier aspects of sex so much as a reluctance to admit to having an interest.
Women who are interested in some form of kinky sex (and who are prepared to practice good, including protective penis care of their partners while pursuing it) may find the following sex tips useful in exploring this option.
Be brave.
People build up personas that define themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, but sometimes people get defined in a way that doesn’t truly reflect all sides of them. This can be especially true when someone has a desire to move beyond “typical” sexual activities. It can take courage to just broach the subject of this desire, even with a partner with whom one has shared much already. But if delving into this area is important , your first step is to find the courage to take the first step of talking about it. Also , consider the topic of masturbators and vibrators and talk to your partner about it.
Don’t spring it.
If this desire is going to come as a surprise to a partner of long standing, it’s best not to just blurt it out. Finding a way to ease into the conversation is preferred. Some like a “joking” way: When passing a sex shop, a man might say, “Hey, do we have time to pick up a whip and a few penis rings?” in a joking manner. But later on that night, he can refer to that: “You know when I made that joke about the sex toys?” and follow up with, “Well, I was wondering if maybe there are some new things we might want to try out some time.”
Talk first.
Once the subject has been broached, if the partner is receptive, it’s a good idea to talk things through first. Talk about the things that are of interest to both parties. It’s good to set up a non-judgmental and honest framework: Both parties should talk about what interests them and how they feel about what interests the other person. Any resistance to participation should be discussed and respected. A partner should also be open about how far he or she is willing to go. And both parties should realize that they are free to change their minds – either before, during or after an exploration.
Start slowly.
Most couples find it helps to start slowly. Rather than starting off with props, for example, perhaps a little role-playing with, say, an imaginary set of handcuffs or a faux-leather bra is desirable. Some light rubbing of the posterior might be a good lead-in to actual spanking later.
Pick words.
Safe words are a good idea if the kinky sex gets a little too intense. Participants can choose a word that, if they utter it, means things have moved beyond their comfort level and they should stop now.
Know how things work.
Before employing props in one’s sex play, make sure both partners know how they work. For example, a chastity cage for the penis may be fun during some role-playing (acting like a MILF etc.), but will be less fun if neither partner knows how to remove it.
You will find so much information on kinky sex on the Internet. Try downloading a copy of the Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian treatise on sex. It is full of sexual positions that you can use and most of them are downright kinky. These positions tell you how to arouse the most important erogenous zones of your woman and give her a pleasure she has never experienced before.
If you want to be more daring, you could try out something like role-playing or bondage sex or some fetish. Keeping your fetish suppressed is not the answer.
If you are a real man, you would talk to your partner about it, it could really give you a very meaningful time with her, and you would be completely satisfied with the time you spend with her.
– Originally published on Feminapotens.org